Boredom

I am bored. I bore myself. I began to think too much about this, and it became a mild existential crisis, and now I need to go to bed.

But seriously, if boredom comes from having nothing to do (i.e. being in our natural state of existing...just existing), that means that in our natural state of existence, we are bored...we can't find substantial meaning in what we do...we are looking for stimuli to escape this boredom...boredom is our natural state...it is the absence of meaning...our natural state is meaningless...shit! Life is inherently meaningless! So...we occupy ourselves searching for meaning, and then we aren't bored. Meaning is found in things that make us no longer bored...in things that interest us...in things that we love.

Boom. There's a nugget for you... avoid boredom. I'm going to bed.

Sleep is a passive relief from boredom. Wait...don't get me started.

UPDATE: Thinking about life being inherently meaningless and meaning being found in things that we love, and routing those two thoughts through my previous post about a meaning of life, I would like to make a case that life can't be inherently meaningless, because everyone's life must add meaning to someone else's life. Now I have a whole new problem to solve. Thanks, boredom!

A Meaning of Life

I am human. I am the result of a series of accidents. My very existence is purely coincidental. I was born out of chaos and unto chaos in the form of my body. It has arms, legs, a mouth, a nose, toenails and a clavicle, among other things. Most importantly, my body has a brain. My brain controls my body--everything from my eyelids to my liver. Interestingly, my brain controls my liver without having the slightest idea of how a liver works at the conscious level. My brain controls all kinds of things I don't understand, yet controls them with perfection. Without my brain, I would cease to exist. My body would remain, but an immaterial part of me would vanish. You see, I am my body, but much more.

I am human. I was born out of chaos and unto chaos, a human body paired with a human soul. By pure coincidence, I appeared in this universe, on this planet with billions of others like me. By pure coincidence, I appeared on a certain part of this huge earth, in this vast universe, amongst a handful of other humans who look and think and feel and exist very much like I do. They make the world a less lonely place.

I am Bryan. I am identified by my human body paired with my human soul--without both, I am no longer Bryan. I was born out of chaos and unto chaos. By pure coincidence, I appeared in this universe, on this planet with billions of other humans who look and think and feel and exist very much like I do. By pure coincidence, I appeared on a certain part of this huge Earth, in this vast universe, amongst a handful of family and friends. I am thankful for them, because they make the world a less lonely place. There many things that I do not know. I do not know where the universe came from, I do not know if the soul dies, and I do not know how my liver works.

All I know is that I am alive now, I have been alive for nearly 21 years, and in all likelihood I have less than 100 years left in this life as I know it. I know that I love the people around me more than anything else in this short life I have. This is as close to truth as I can get, and I can make some inferences based on these truths:

Our ultimate human drive must be to find love, and I don't quite mean it in the sense that society has developed it to mean. Love is a connection, a bond, a sense that you are not and won't be alone in this world. Love is not a sexual or physical feeling (lust) and therefore makes no distinction between gender. A man can love his best friend, his wife, his kids, or his partner. Sexual attraction and sex itself are physical manifestations of the emotion of love, but do not constitute love itself. Sex can be had in the absence of love. The ultimate drive to find love is driven by the avoidance of our greatest fear--the opposite of love--loneliness. Love is not one-sided, it is reciprocal. One-sided love is not love, but lust or desire mired in loneliness. The search for love is not the search for someone to love, but for someone to love you back.

As for where we came from and where we're going? It is enough for me to accept that speculating will never lead me any closer to the real truth. The truth will be only be revealed when the time comes. Until then, I want to be sure that I am doing my best to spread the love. The universe is like my liver, I don't know or much care to know why it's there or how it works, just as long as it does its job and gives me my fair opportunity to live and love.

Pensieve

In the Harry Potter books, Dumbledore has a pensieve, in which he stores memories, kind of like a back-up memory. In both the books and the movies, the memories are characterized by silver threads which are extracted through the temple with a wand, and placed in a bowl, where they apparently take on a liquid form. (As an aside, perhaps a pensieve would come in handy for me as I write this. My exact recollection of the books/movie is foggy.) Dumbledore claims that it is easier to spot patterns and links when they are in the pensieve, apparently comparing this state against their natural state within his mind. Hence, I suppose, the name pensieve implies that it is an easy way to sort through memories.

While I understand the visual representation of a memory as a thread, I don't understand how a collection of threads becomes a liquid. I don't understand how submerging one's head in a bowl of jumbled and unrelated memories allows one to view a specific thread from a third person perspective. I don't understand how a pool of these random memories in any way sieves memories, or facilitates the identification of patterns and links. The memories are a homogeneous liquid, which, almost by definition, is hard to divide and categorize outside of the molecular level. There are no easily discernible patterns or links in a homogeneous liquid. In this capacity, the brain seems like an equally, if not more, suitable mechanism for organizing thoughts.

If I were to make a visual representation of memories--or thoughts, as memories are merely past thoughts--I think a web would be suitable. I can see where Rowling thought that thoughts can take a linear form (the silver thread). This can either imply that individual thoughts appear over a specific timeframe, represented by the beginning and the end of the thread, or that individual, instantaneous thoughts (such as visual memories, or specific smells or sounds) are bound together by a linear thread. This better takes into account that individual thoughts don't occur in vacuums. One thought naturally leads to another thought in some way. Our brains connect things we think or experience to past events in order to help us better understand the world. It's called a train of thought, because, like cars on a train, each thought occurs in succession one after another. At the conscious level, there are no diversions until the train ends.

So thoughts should be in some way linear. Rowling organizes these linear thoughts by simply throwing them into a bowl. I would spin them into a web. Even though thoughts are linear, there are countless points of divergence from the train of thought. Any given thought or memory has the possibility to be connected to countless other thoughts or memories through connections that your brain has made. We don't perceive all of these countless connections, because when all is said and done, all we've seen is the specific path that our brain chose to take through the web of our memories. What looks like a train--or a thread--to us is actually a complex web. The individual nodes of thought are connected by countless relationships that our brain makes...they aren't just aimlessly floating about. At any point along the web, you could have just as easily jumped off to another thought and come up with a completely different conclusion at the end of your thread or train.

The routes we take through our webs of thoughts are usually subconscious. They're determined by underlying factors like assumptions and moods. I can play through a scenario over and over in my mind and come up with completely different outcomes simply by changing my attitude towards the scenario. If I am approaching a scenario with a pessimistic disposition, I can easily convince myself that it won't work, or that it couldn't have worked, or that I shouldn't try, or whatever. If I use the same facts as before, but am more optimistic, I can gain instant (though admittedly potentially artificial/unwarranted) confidence.

I think that we have an extraordinary capability to affect our thoughts and behaviors simply by realizing that you can wake up every morning knowing that no one but you can make yourself feel the way you want to feel. A change of attitude can make a world of a difference.

Writer's block

Why don't people love life more? Seriously. It's the one thing in the world that truly belongs to you. Enjoy the hell out of it. That's your one responsibility. Don't make excuses, because there are none. There's nothing else to do but love your life.

Reboot

I've been gone for far too long, mostly because my life has been exceptionally uninteresting in the last few weeks. It's been filled with working, mowing, cleaning, building a garage, falling asleep way too early, and watching young children. By that I mean babysitting my half siblings...not being a pedophile.

Notable things: Tulip Time, 20th birthday, wisdom teeth pulled, moustache shaved and hair cut off.

I've been (re)watching the Mighty Boosh Season 1. Best show ever.

I've been listening to Portugal. The Man's newest album (out since March), American Ghetto. Good stuff.

I read The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut yesterday. It says, among other things, "a purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved."

Uff da!

(Untitled)

Finals week. Being great. Back soon.









I hope everyone out there is thoroughly enjoying life.



-Bryan

Being Great

It's finals week, and I should be studying, but I just gotta dish dis shit before I forget dis shit.

First, I just wanna say that I freakin love finals week. Everybody is freaking out all week about all the stuff they gotta do, and wonder why I don't freak out too. Child, please! Here's why I don't freak out:

What's the point?

Christmas break is so close! The weather has been beautiful this week! Some say cold, but I see sunshine and refreshment. Also, I've only got five classes this week, which averages to one per day, of course. That rules. I don't have to go to any boring lectures this week. I get to sleep in later than usual. No 8 am labs. I think the main thing is that tests don't bother me at all. I've always been a good test taker, and that helps. I've never been one to cram, I firmly believe that 8 hours of sleep will do you more good on tomorrow's test than a few more groggy hours studying. I also believe that you are better off (and this is true for all aspects of life) approaching things like tests confidently, rather than worrying about what you might not know. It really helps to slow your mind down when you get in there to take the test, and you just think a lot more clearly.

Chad Ochocinco is quickly becoming one of my favorite role models. I am 100% serious about this. If you guys Twitter at all, you should really follow him @OGOchoCinco. He also hosts a daily show called The OchoCinco Show, which you can find on ustream.com. He has generally been viewed in a negative light, but I'll tell you one thing: this guy has got his shit figured out. He is insanely dedicated to becoming the best he can be, but I love the upbeat confidence he approaches everything with. I've been trying to live by his words: be great. It doesn't matter what you do, just do it the greatest you can.

Today, for example, I was walking across campus, when I remembered "be great." How can you be great at walking across campus? Look forward, not at your shoes. Straighten your back. Don't scurry. Smile at people you pass. I did this today, and it's amazing how much of a difference it makes. I smiled at everyone that looked at me, and every single one of them smiled back. During finals week, no less!

I went to lunch, and thought "be great." How can you possibly be great at eating lunch? I'll tell you how: I ate the most balanced meal I've had all year. I had a plate full of peas for Christ's sake!

Now I'm sitting in my room studying. Every now and then, I feel a little unmotivated. Whenever this happens, all I need to do is look slightly to my left at my friend Kevin Garnett here being great, and that gets me going again.



In fact, looking at it now, I'm thinking I need to get back to the books if I'm to be properly prepared for my tests tomorrow and still get my 8 hours tonight.

I want to leave you with this 3 part series on YouTube about Chad Ochocinco. Watch it. He knows how to be great.

Roadmap to lolz